Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
