I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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