how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
