whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
