dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
