I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
