wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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