somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize