Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
