Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the day after is always just damage control
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
