sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
