he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
