I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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