just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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