If i come over, it means nothing
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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