I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
