Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
