He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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