i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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