Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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