what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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