hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
