I puked a lego.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
