So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
