She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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