i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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