Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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