My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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