Too much gin, very little bucket
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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