My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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