When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
