I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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