Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
