Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
