They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
