Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
