Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
