I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
