hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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