Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
