the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
