You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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