oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
