I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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