Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
