So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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