So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
