I'm going to jail i love you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
