You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
