never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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