New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
