I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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