I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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