At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it because I queefed?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
