just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
