My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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