the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
