I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have aggressive nipples.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
