Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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