the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
