No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
