Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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