Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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