The maid of honor just puked.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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