One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
