I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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