I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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