I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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